I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
