normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
