I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
worst night to have a conscience
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize