It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
