do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
