May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
