Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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