OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize