bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
