I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize