reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
