So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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