So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
