The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You are the jesus of drinking
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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