I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
