At least make sure they are 18
Why
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
