He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize