The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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