She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
