Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
