is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
