You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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