if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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