Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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