My underwear smells like fireworks.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
