youre lurking in front of me
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
