they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
