remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
