He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
