Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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