having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
