Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
