fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
