mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she peed on how many people?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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