He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
