omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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