I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
