Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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