can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
