sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
