dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
