pop tarts are not kleenex
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
