i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
