I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
