Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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