Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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