Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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