finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
