I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
