he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
