Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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