he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
