I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
