So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
