I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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