So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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