i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
