my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
