Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
