did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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