the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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