why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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