Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
