Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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