at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
