1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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