so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
