How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
