I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think I won the penis lottery.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize